No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
