If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
