Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
