my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
