I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
