Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize