A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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