Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
