So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
