he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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