She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
