i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nutella sex= disaster
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
