Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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