Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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