just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
