So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
