I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
