I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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