Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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