I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
