I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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