im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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