It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
