Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
