First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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