win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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