So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
