so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
