Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
