I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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