i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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