Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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