is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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