Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
