Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
