just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
