...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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