Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
