Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize