I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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