I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
