Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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