yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
