hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I won the penis lottery.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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