Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
