All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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