so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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