It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
