just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
