Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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