she woke up with a sticky ear
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
