Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
