at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
