Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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