Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
