I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
