Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
