It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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