Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
