We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize