She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize