Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
