Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
