you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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