I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
