She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
