If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
