I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
