At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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