You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
