kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
