just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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