So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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