I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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