Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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