Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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