So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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