To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
