census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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