Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
