never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
