Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
