i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
