happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
