ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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