I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
