I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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